The birth of a second child is a big change for the whole family. And especially for the eldest child. He or she experiences not only joy, but also jealousy and the fear of being "superfluous" or forgotten.

During this period, it is important to choose your words carefully. Certain phrases can increase anxiety and destroy trust.

5 phrases you shouldn't say to your child

1. "Shame on you", "Don't you dare do that"
   These phrases do not help a child cope with emotions, but only add shame and self-blame.
2. "You're an adult!", "How can you..."
   Adulthood is not a reason not to feel emotions. A child has the right to be jealous, sad or angry.
3. "The little one needs more..."
   This devalues the needs of the older child. They begin to believe that they are less loved or that they do not deserve attention.
4. "This is your brother/sister, you have to love him/her."
   Such pressure provokes even more alienation.
5. "I won't love you if you..."
   The love of a mother and father should be unconditional. And the child should know about it.

What and how to say to an older child after the birth of a younger one

• "I will always love you."
  Say it directly and often. The older child needs to know that his or her place in your heart is unchanged.
• "I love each of you in different ways, but equally."
  Explain that love is not shared but multiplied.
• "I will always find time for you."
  Emphasise that attention will continue - in play, in conversation, in hugs.
• "You can help with the younger one only if you want to."
  The older child should not feel like a nanny. Helping should be a choice, not an obligation.
• "You have more freedom and responsibility now - it's a real bonus."
  Present new roles not as a burden, but as an opportunity.

How to keep in touch with your older child after the birth of your younger one

1. Hug more often
   Especially at bedtime, after quarrels, in moments of jealousy or sadness. Hugs are a powerful emotional support.
2. Separate behaviour and personality:
   "I don't like it when you shout" instead of "You're bad".
3. Set aside separate time only for your older child
   Even 30 minutes a week together doing something they choose is a great contribution to the relationship.
4. Thank them for their help - always
   "Thank you for holding the bottle", "I really felt better thanks to you."
   This builds a sense of dignity and importance in the child.

Remember: jealousy is normal

Older children may show

• aggression towards the younger one;
• ignoring the infant;
• excessive activity or "kindness";
• a desire to do everything independently, as if "instead of mum".

This is not a whim or bad behaviour. It is a manifestation of the fear of losing contact with you. And every such reaction is a reason not to scold, but to support.